Caring for young children presents many challenges, and the ability to communicate during difficult moments is key for parents. Child psychologist Laverne Antrobus believes that the tone of voice plays a crucial role in this. “You have to be a bit of an actor (as a parent) – no one tells you that different roles will come along with children. One moment you’re a clown, the next a detective,” says Antrobus.
Antrobus supports a new campaign by the Department of Education aimed at encouraging more people to work in the field of childcare. A new bonus of £1000 has also been announced for new and returning workers in 20 local administrations starting from April. Antrobus believes that the ability to communicate with young children is seriously underestimated.
According to her, communication with young children in three key moments of the day can prepare them “for further educational life,” and the way we speak to them greatly impacts their development.
When they say “no”
When your child seems resistant to doing certain activities, whether it’s a new game or getting dressed, it’s tempting to insist and be firm. However, Antrobus suggests looking at a child’s “no” in a different way. “Take it as an expression of their unfamiliarity, as a quick way of refusal because at that moment they simply don’t understand what’s happening. Of course, parents’ reactions can be very frustrating, so if possible, I would advise being particularly curious about the reason behind the ‘no’. Ask, ‘What’s going on? Be quite joyful in your response. It could be fear, they might be scared, so ask, ‘Can I help? Can Dad help? What can we do? What can we do together?'”
During tantrums
Antrobus wants to reassure parents that tantrums are completely normal. “They have to happen (in children aged one to three) because if they occur during the right developmental phase, we have a chance that children will outgrow them.” However, the key is how you pay attention to the child during a tantrum. “If a child learns that every time they have a tantrum, they receive a lot of attention from parents, they will keep doing it.” She suggests stepping back without physically leaving. Asking how they feel and how you can help shows the child that you understand that “something is happening” and “you are there to help.” It is also important to identify the moment correctly. “As a parent, you need to be observant enough to notice when the tantrum starts to subside. Then you can approach and ask, ‘Are you ready? No? Go back to your tantrum, push away, and wait…'”. “The key thing to remember is that during these moments, children are dealing with various things that can greatly affect their minds, but they don’t know why it’s happening. Our job is to help them return to a more organized state so they can continue.”
When you leave them
How you leave your child in a nursery or other care facility is very important, says Antrobus. “It’s often the hardest part of the day, but for many children, it’s also the most crucial moments because it’s very difficult for them to acclimatize to these spaces. They feel abandoned – not just left, but abandoned.” Regardless of how rushed parents are to get to work, Antrobus suggests dedicating five to seven minutes to make the transition easier for the child. “If you leave your child in the right way, you strengthen your bond and allow them to let go.” The most important thing is to convey to them that even though you’re leaving, you still think about them. “The worst situation for a child is the one where they feel that as soon as you leave them, they cease to exist in your consciousness. It’s so deep for them that it can affect their functioning,” says Antrobus. After picking up the child, she suggests reconnecting by saying something like, “I’ve been thinking about you and everything you’ve been doing at nursery.” “This is how we build a sense of worth in a child. We teach them that the most important people in their lives think about them all the time.”
The Department of Education has launched a nationwide campaign to encourage people to pursue careers in working with young children. Visit the website earlyyearscareers.campaign.gov.uk to learn more about early childhood careers and search for current vacancies.
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The source of the article is from the blog enp.gr